In a couple days it will have been two weeks since I initially found out I was pregnant. It has been an interesting two weeks. I have gone through several different emotions, and not just due to pregnancy hormones.
I do not know exactly what it was that motivated me to take the second pregnancy test. I had taken one a week before, which was negative. I had convinced myself that I was not pregnant, and even though I was two weeks late there was no possible way I could be pregnant. I entered the idea of trying to have a child believing that it was going to be difficult for me. Since I’ve been on birth control since high school due to an irregular cycle I convinced myself that I was still going to have trouble with my cycle. Maybe preparing myself with this idea beforehand is what helped me get pregnant so easily. I had told myself I was not going to stress over having a child, if it happened it happened! And here it is two months without birth control and I’m already pregnant. Not my initial plan. But when it comes to babies do things ever really go as planned? My plan was to conceive in July, have the baby in March, take my maternity leave, and then enjoy my summer off with my new baby (I’m a teacher). Don’t get me wrong I’m still very excited, and after going to the doctor last week I found out that my possible due date is October, 4th. October 4th or even 5thare perfect days because my parents will be turning 60. (Shhh, don’t tell them I told you.) What a great age to become grandparents!
And, here I am crying over my keyboard.
I think this week has been the first weekthat I’ve really felt the hormones. It's not helping that, I’m trying to find the best way to phrase exactly what I want to say. I am glad I’m pregnant but I’ve also had this guilt that’s come along with it. I know it’s not my fault, and I know everyone is happy for me. It’s just hard knowing it has been so easy for me, when several of my close friends and family have had a difficult time conceiving. I wish so truly that they could share in the same joy I am. These last couple of days have been the hardest, having to watch a close friend in pain after she learned our news. I am hopeful every day that the people I love will one day soon receive their own joyous news, and we will raise our children together. Now that my brain is filled with happy thoughts again, I need to leave it at that.
More news to come, after my first ultrasound on Monday…
(Doll)
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