Up to 3 months

At one month I was lucky to get a photo with Zoe's eyes open.  

At two months of age Zoe was starting to show the signs of being a mover and shaker (not really a surprise, considering she is part Zach).  She began to show interest in her feet, and was continually grabbing for them.  Although, was not successful at apprehending them until the weekend before Christmas. 

Upon her birth Zoe was practically rolling herself back and forth, and came close to flipping herself over on several occasions.  At one month of age she flipped herself over a few times when she was sat next to me in the bed.  I was pretty sure most of these incidence were accidents, and the slight slope that my divot created in the bed helped to assist her to accomplish this task. 

However, during her second month of life Zoe began to show a desire to purposefully roll herself over from back to front a task she hasn't fully mastered.  I predict this will be accomplished within the week after watching her today.  

But, it was New Years Eve, just a few days before she turned three months that she accomplished flipping belly to back.  The entire next day Zoe was on a flipping roll. : )  

I am so glad that I've been taking these Month by Month photos. It is amazing to see her progression side by side.  I know she is developing, but I never realize how much she has actually developed until I look back at these photos. 

In the three month photos you can tell how much of a mover and a shaker she actually is.  These photos were a challenge to take.  Which is why the blocks in many of the photos were not as in focus as I would like them to be.  But in many ways that's what I love about them.  They show her personality, and interests.  Just look at this last one...She is staring so intensely at her foot. Or the one above where the blocks captured her attention.   The environment around her is beginning to become so exciting and interesting.  

On another note I think the pacifier is going to be a thing of the past...Zoe has found her thumb.   All that time Zach spent teaching her to put a pacifier in her own mouth, and she wont  even use that skill any more.  OK, so she never successfully put a pacifier in her mouth on her own, but it was pretty amazing to watch her try.  She would bring the pacifier from her outstretched hand to her face and usually hit her nose instead of her mouth, but I was impressed. Her developing motor skills lead me to believe I may have an artist on my hands.  I'm already predicting that Zoe will be a lefty.  She seems to be more apt to hold things in that hand.  So many things to learn and explore the future is so exciting. 

I think it's time to start baby proofing.  

13 in 13

This list is inspired by one of my close friends, Diane Flood.  Every year she creates a bucket list for the year. Now that I have a little one of my own  I've been planning all the fun stuff I want to introduce Zoe to this year or at some point during her life. I've already been running through in my mind all the things I am going to do with Zoe this summer.  Yes, I understand that she will be under the age of one, and wont remember most of it, but I'd like to think she will at least enjoy these experiences.

1.  Take Zoe to the Georgia aquarium.

I already know that Zoe will love the Georgia Aquarium.  We have a salt water fish tank in our home, and it has already proven to be one of Zoe's favorite things to look at. When she gets a little fussy the aquarium serves as a great distraction for her.  Zoe was also given a jelly fish mood lamp for Christmas by her Aunt Christi.  The Jelly fish have already seemed to catch her interest as well. I can already image how much she is going to love the Georgia Aquarium.

Now that I am back and at work.  I am already looking forward to summer so that I can spend lots of time with Zoe again. Part of looking forward to summer I have been envisioning all the things I'm going to get to do with her.

2.  Because I could go on and on with activities I wanted do second on my list is buying an Atlanta City Pass.  Which targets number one as well.   With the city pass Zoe and I can go to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, the Zoo, or even the High Museum of art. What's even better is I envisioned including Diane and Stacy (fellow new Moms) in these excursions  and guess what Diane has a couple of these items on her bucket list as well.

3.  Take a class to improve my artistic skills.  Most likely some type of photography class, but I always like learning new things.  Especially if I can take it into the classroom.

4. Go to the beach, and play in the sand with Zoe

5.  See Cirque Du Soleil.  Can you believe it I have never seen Cirque Du Soleil?  Zach probably would have taken me last year if I didn't wait to mention it until after the show was already here.

6.  Read 13 books this year.  I actually achieved this goal last year.  However, with a new baby and being back to work I'm not sure how much time I'll have for reading. Regardless, I am going to try my best to read the book of the month for book club.  And if I have time for books of my own as well, then that is a plus.   I am actually pleased with myself that I made it through so many books last year. 

I've always been a slow reader to the point where in previous years it took me months just to make it through one book.  I think a lot of this was due to my choice of books.  I never seemed to do a good job choosing books I like.  But last year thanks to book club and friends I found many books I enjoyed reading.  The other thing that increase my reading last year was the Kindle that I bought my husband for Christmas.   Let's just say the Kindle quickly became mine...oops. I know there are many people out there who prefer actual books to the digital version.  I am the opposite I prefer the Kindle. It is easy light weight, and I can slip it in my purse, and have it most anywhere to read.

7. I've been debating about if this is the type of thing that should go on my bucket list.  However, this is one of my biggest goals for the year. The reason I'm hesitant to put it on my list is because I don't want to put to much pressure on myself.  I don't want to put myself in a position to where I beat myself up if I don't achieve it.  I'm already dangerously close to beating myself up if I don't achieve it.  However, I realize that I just have to take it one day/ or week/month at a time.

And the goal is to feed Zoe breast milk until the age of one.

I need to be proud of the fact that I can say Zoe has been exclusively breastfed for three months.  Many people don't make it that far. And so far I seem to be keeping up with the supply fine (thanks to my freezer stock)  My biggest problem is that I worry about things that haven't even happened yet.  I dwell on the "what if". (Every extra day of breast milk I give her is an extra day, and that much better for her. I need to remember that I have made it this far, and that is a success...Just reminding myself again. :) And if I can make it to 4 months then I made it to 4, and once I make it to 6 she'll start adding food into her diet, and if I make it to 8 I'll have all summer with her.)

Fortunately, I have a practical husband who gives great advice.  I just need to learn to follow and trust his advice.  The only thing that worrying does for me is cause wrinkles.  Instead I need to deal with the problems when they occur rather than worrying about the fact that they may occur.   When I take things one day at a time they usually work out just fine, and the way they are suppose to.

Breastfeeding is so important to me because my husband has A LOT of allergies, and although it is not guaranteed breastfeeding is suppose to help prevent allergies.  But again one of those things I shouldn't worry about. Maybe I should make that goal 8.....

8.  Learn to handle things as they come.  Stop worrying so much about the "WHAT IF".

9. Scuba Dive again

10. Create two new paintings/drawings

11. Begin and finish Zoe's Baby album.

12.  Enjoy a girls night out.

13.  Sew something

I'm surrounded by people who sew.  Zoe is a very lucky girl.  She has many hand made items, which is awesome!! I love hand made stuff, and I would like to try my hand at making something myself as well.  Here's to 2013 and the new adventures of Motherhood. : )

Zoe's first Christmas

Luckily Zoe seems to enjoy being photographed, because she is going to be my model for years to come. I love her expressions in so many of these photos.  Many of them are very inquisitive.   She always seems to be very curious about my camera and my phone.  Zach and I like to talk about the possibility of us have a very bright girl on our hands. 

Thanks Dad for helping me sit in this chair.
: )

This pile of gifts is bigger than me. 

Daddy is playing with my toys for me.

Zoe had a great first Christmas!  She seemed to really be interested in the gifts that were being opened. I'm sure she will be playing with them in no time. Soon I wont be able to keep up with her. 

Transformations

It is hard to believe that Zoe will be three months old in just a matter or weeks. Christmas although a happy time of year is a time that I've been dreading a little bit.  I was hoping Christmas would take as long as possible to get here.  I enjoyed spending Zoe's first Christmas with her, but the time is bitter sweet to me because it means I will be returning to work in a matter of days.  Tears are welling up in my eyes just thinking about it.   I have already decided I'm going to hold off on mascara until I get to work the first day, and who knows maybe I shouldn't wear it at all that day.

It is amazing the transformation I have seen over the past three months. She has changed and developed in so many ways. Like many new babies Zoe's falling reflex was triggered easily. I would often see her arms and legs fly into the air while she was sleeping in her swing.

Zoe went from hardly able to control her arms and legs to holding and grasping on to things with decent control.

On her play mat her arms and legs would fly and kick with out much purpose, but now she actually grabs a hold of the rings, and appears to have a purpose to what she is doing. Her  legs no longer stay in front of the piano.  She often twist her self sideways usually in an attempt to flip over.  She has yet to flip her self over from back to front but I expect it to be coming before to long.  

She has also been very focused on her feet over the past several weeks.  I have seen her attempting to grab at them on multiple occasions. I finally witnessed a successful grab just last weekend where she was able to hold onto her sock.  She has yet to get a firm grasp of her toes, but I expect this to becoming before to long as well.  I assume as soon as she gets a firm grasp of her toes she should be able to flip her self over about that same time.  What she will do when she flips over I am not sure.  She has not enjoyed tummy time the past several weeks. 

Over the course of three months Zoe has gone from loving things to hating things to maybe even loving them again.  One such thing is bath time.  Zoe use to HATE bath time.  Zach seems to think I was making the water to cold. Now she absolutely loves bath time.  So much so she starts screaming as soon as she is removed from the water.

Zoe has also gotten much easier to sooth, at least by me.  Which worries me a little about returning to work, and her beginning day care. I realize I am around Zoe all day long so I try very hard to allow others to love Zoe when they are around.   When Zach gets home in the evenings I try to take a step back, and allow him to change her diapers, and sometimes even get her ready for bed. Which often included calming her to help her fall asleep.  Sitting in the other room I would often her Zach yell out, are you sure she's not hungry (after I had just fed her).   Moments after I would come in and take her she would take the pacifier just fine, and be calm in a matter of seconds (and not appearing to be hungry). Well I heard this phrase again last night when I allowed Zach's cousin to try her hand a soothing my sleepy baby who was ready for a nap. She was following the same technique I normally use (or use to use), and as Zoe was acting seemingly frustrated with the pacifier she asked if Zoe was hungry. When I took her back and tried the pacifier myself she was calm in  seconds, and often in such cases usually ends up smiling at me. I love my little girl, and I love that she is attached to me, but I worry about how this attachment will effect her at day care.  

I myself was a mommy girl.  So much so I held a grudge against my mom when she decided to leave me for a weekend. When I was a young child my mom went on a girl scout retreat with my sister for a weekend.  Apparently I was so angry at her for leaving me I would hardly look at her when she returned. Which is why I know it will be hard, but I do think learning to be with out me at a young age may not be a bad thing...

I am looking forward to seeing Zoe grow in so many ways. She is becoming so expressive.  I am beginning to hear all different kinds of sounds come out of her mouth. Everything from happy babbling and coos to I'm about to cry but I'm trying to express my feelings in another way right now. I think her upset babbling is the most adorable thing ever.  She makes the most unique sounds.   I tried to record some of her babbling one day, but she must be camera shy because she stopped, and just stared at the back of my phone refusing to make a peep. 

My Dad, Zoe's Papa, also swears that Zoe is beginning to wave back.  I myself think it is just coincidence that she happens to move her arms moments after he waves at her.   But who know maybe she is trying to learn.  I do believe I have a very smart, strong baby on my hands. 

Who does Zoe look like?

Time for the comparison.  Who does Zoe look like. 

From early on people were continually telling me how much Zoe looks like me.  I also had a lot of people tell me that Zoe looks like my Dad.   I agreed with most people and felt as though Zoe took after me, until recently.  I feel as though I am starting to see more of Zach in her. 

11 weeks

age unknown?

Zach was a big baby, around 10 pounds when he was born. Zoe was 6 lbs 4 oz. at birth, and is 9lbs 12oz as of her last weight check.  She took after my family in the since that me and all my siblings were small as well.  One thing that I do notice in comparing these photos is that Zoe has a rounder face like Zach.

Zoe, at two months

Me, at 2 months

I believe we have similar noses, and a similar hair line.  Although her hair is darker than mine. My hair later turned white blond.  I wonder if her hair will change?  It has lightened up some from birth. 

Zoe is also starting to get some really unique expressions, which I compare to some of Zach's expressions. In one of her recent two month photos I am beginning to wonder if she is getting Zach's infamous arched eyebrows. 

What do you think?  Who does Zoe look like?

Being a Mom....

Being a Mom is hard!  Yes, I said it.  Being a Mom is hard. I have always been a worrier, but being a Mom has brought on a new level of worry for me, as if that is even possible. I'm constantly questioning if I am doing everything correctly.

I ran across another blog during one of my Googling frenzies (I've actually had to limit myself from Googling- all it does is make me worry more) where the new Mom said she'd actually wished she was still pregnant at times because that was easier.  That exact thought has never crossed my mind, but it was nice to hear someone else express their since of being overwhelmed.

The first week was a breeze.  It felt like all I was doing was feeding a baby, but in all she was a happy content baby who slept all the time. Not to mention my house was full of people (which got overwhelming at times) but I also had amazing helpers such as my sister in law, and my mom who cooked and cleaned for me.  My sister in law actually got down on her hands and knees and scrubbed all the floors in my house.  She also cooked and froze several meals for us. Our refrigerator was so full of food that people made for us we were actually worried about being able to eat it all before it went bad.

It was after everyone went home that things got challenging. I had bought into the idea that you can not spoil a newborn, and was so afraid to even take a shower for fear she might cry, and I wouldn't be there for her. However, thanks to my mom helping to make sure I didn't go to over board spoiling my baby I luckily have a child who likes to sleep in her crib, and I think prefers that to her swing most of the time. However, what also came the second week were more baby tears, and tears that were harder to sooth. It wasn't always food that she wanted.  Evening became her fussy time, which according to my Mom, Kelly Mom, and the book "Happiest Baby On the Block" this is perfectly normal.  However, my husband began to think she was colicky because she was so fussy in the evenings.   I at first was very irritated with this idea, and got so annoyed with our neighbors and friends who would ask about our colicky baby.   Babies cry this is how they  talk to us.  However, as things progressed that week and the next it wasn't only evening times that she was that fussy.  Morning times became a fussy period as well.  So then I though well maybe she is just going through a growth spurt, which is still entirely possible. And maybe she goes through a growth spurt on a weekly basis, because I am finding Tuesday, and Wednesdays are her fussiest days. Anyways I got to the point where I was anxious about the idea of having people around or going anywhere for fear that she would be fussy and I couldn't calm her down.  Honestly, I was scared of looking like a bad Mom. Prior to having Zoe I read the book Happiest Baby On The Block.  He talked a lot about colic and how its more a western cultural phenomenon.  How many other cultures don't have the same issues because of the way they deal with their babies.  He talked about how he believes that some babies are just not as good at taking in all the new experiences.  I was determined to have the happiest baby on the block, and I was going to master all the soothing methods out there.  In some ways I wish I had never read the book, I believe it created a false since of expectations in me, and made me feel let down when I couldn't always sooth her.

By the end of the first week by my self I found myself crying when she cried.  I think its kind of funny now I remember holding her staring at her, bursting into tears, and saying I don't know what you want sweety.   Surprisingly she stopped crying to actually watch me cry.  I have had a little bit of postpartum, which I don't think has always helped my calmness in trying to sooth my baby girl. I was constantly beating myself up thinking I was doing something wrong.  Not to mention feeding times became a struggle because I went through a phase of an overactive-let down.   My milk sprayed out really fast to begin with and I was contently choking my poor girl.   There were times when she would actually refuse to nurse.  Zoe started spitting up more, and my afternoons were spent calming her and continually trying to get her to eat. She would act hungry and then not want to eat. During this time it was brought to my attention by several people that she could have reflex.  This is when I really began to worry.  I started to give into the idea that she is colicky at times.  However, I contend that reflex is different then colic. I probably annoyed the nurses line at my doctor calling them multiple times in tears after I finally got her calmed down after her long fits.   I decided to have Zach by her some gas drops, but was still concerned about the possibility of her having reflex. Afraid of over doing the drops I didn't really consistently give them to her during her third week of life.  It was not until this Tuesday that I followed the doctors orders and started giving them to her  four times a day.  I think I've seen a little bit of a difference, not to mention that I've learned a little bit more about her.

You heard me mention before that I would jump every time she cried, and that I was scared to take a shower for fear she would cry.  However, I learned the past two days that it is Ok for her to cry while I'm in the shower.  In fact instead of our normal morning crying fit I learned she actually falls asleep if I let her cry while I'm in the shower.  I probably was keeping her awake when she wanted to be sleeping. I think the gas drops have helped some.  I've actually heard her fart, which I take as a good sign because that means she is getting the bubbles out of her. She actually farted on Zach's hand when he was putting her into the bath the other night.  He looked at her and said, "love your the only person that can do that to me, and I'm OK with it."  I have such a wonderful husband, he is a great Daddy. (I know this will bring its own challenges in the future).

I'm still struggling with what to do about the possible reflex.  Not every feeding time is a battle any more, but there a still moments when she seems to be in pain after eating, spitting up, or burping which causes her to be fussy.  I've decided to also start giving her a probiotic to help with any stomach issues, and Zach wants me to take one myself. I really enjoyed getting to see my Midwife yesterday.  It was nice talking to her about the challenges of being a new parent.  She really helped relieve some tension.  She also brought up the fact that I was given an antibiotic during labor, which could have caused some of the natural bacteria in her system to be depleted, and maybe causing some stomach irritation. At this point I've decided to avoid getting the prescription for Zantac for a couple days to see if she is less fussy with the help of the probiotic and gas drops. Zach is the one who talked me into holding off.  However, after seeing her get really upset last night after spitting up he is ready for it, and now I'm talking him into holding off.  I've also am trying to really watch my diet.  I'm keeping it basic for a couple days, and will gradually add things in to see if they affect her.

I could keeps going on about my concerns.  In short I may have a colicky baby or a baby with reflux.  I view them as different things.  What is your opinion of colic?  Is it a baby that cries at the same time everyday or a baby who cries constantly? Or is it normal for babies to be more fussy in the evenings?  Is there a difference between fussiness and Fussiness?  Is she fussy in the evening just because there is more going on after a quiet day around the house?  Is my baby truly more fussy then others or do I just think she is because I'm not around the other babies enough to see?

I think some of her fussiness last night was due to the fact that she did not want her bottle.  Which adds to my worry.  She is going to have to be on a bottle full time at some point, what if she goes on bottle strike.  Am I a terrible Mom for not pumping and bottle feeding fully from the beginning. I as a baby would never take a bottle.  Zoe has done well with a bottle, but what if she stops? Or am I having her do to much at once?  Is she to confused by her pacifier  my nipple, and a bottle?  In three months I have to go back to work, which I don't like to think about. What if she doesn't do well at daycare or wont eat.  Should I be having other watch her more frequently now?  Oh so many concerns!! I'll stop there for now.

The Birth Story

Now that things have settled a little, at least as much as they can when you have a new born in the house, I can take the time to write my birth story.

As I hoped, I believe the full moon did play a factor. Here is some research stolen from another friends blog:

Did you know that some maternity units actually have more staff available during periods of full moon?  I’ve always been fascinated by the moon’s effect on nature, so when a friend’s wife conveyed to me what her midwife had told her during the birth of their daughter, I decided to find out more about childbirth, full moon and a possible link.

On speaking to various medical staff involved in natural childbirth, the first thing I learned was that expectant mothers often experience false signs of labor during full moon. Contractions known as “Braxton Hicks” — sometimes noticeable to the mother and sometimes not — become more pronounced and many travel to the maternity unit in the belief that “it’s time”. Disappointed — or perhaps relieved — they return home, the pains having subsided with no dilation of the cervix.

While these expectant mothers visiting the clinic with their mistaken signs of labor are part of the reason why extra staff are needed, the major difference is found in the number of women whose amniotic sac — the water — breaks.

Just as some women experience false labor pains, in cases where the water breaking marks the start of childbirth, full moon is the time when it’s most likely to happen. In order to discover for myself whether this could be true, I asked several female friends how their births had started. Those who responded with “the water breaking” were then asked the date of the birth. On checking this against a moon phase chart, I discovered that almost all had given birth on, or very close to, a full moon.

The theory is that the moon’s gravitational pull effects the amniotic fluid in much the same way as it effects the water in the sea, rivers and even the water that’s otherwise found in our bodies.

“There are published works that show that there is such a relationship. One study looked at 5,927,978 French births occurring between the months of January 1968 and the 31st December 1974. Using spectral analysis, it was shown that there are two different rhythms in birth frequencies: –a weekly rhythm characterized by the lowest number of births on a Sunday and the largest number on a Tuesday and an annual rhythm with the maximum number of births in May and the minimum in September-October. A statistical analysis of the distribution of births in the lunar month shows that more are born between the last quarter and the new moon, and fewer are born in the first quarter of the moon. The differences between the distribution observed during the lunar month and the theoretical distribution are statistically significant.” – Source: Full moon, Gravitational Pull and Childbirth, Birthsource.com

As a woman’s body prepares for natural childbirth, the amniotic sac becomes distended so the point where it will easily burst if put under pressure. Under normal circumstances, the pressure of labor contractions bursts the sac. During a full moon, the pressure caused by the moon’s effect on the water inside the sac can cause the same things to happen, but without the accompanying contractions.

When this happens, natural childbirth doesn’t always move forward and with no other signs of labor present, the obstetrician may decide to induce the birth. During my own study of this phenomenon I found that of 8 women whose births started with the water breaking at full moon, 5 of them had no accompanying contractions. A coincidence? Perhaps. But surely midwives wouldn’t prepare themselves for an increase in natural childbirth activity if there wasn’t some truth in this?

One midwife told me that when it comes to planning childbirth, full moons should always be looked for around the time of the expected delivery. If there’s one within a few days either side, the chances are your baby will be born on that day.

If you noticed the line that mentions water breaking during the full moon, and no contractions...this is exactly what happened to me.   My water broke at 6:30 AM, a slow trickle with no contractions.  Since I wanted a natural birth I wanted to avoid an induction as much as possible.   I spent the morning anticipating the birth of my daughter, and trying to bring on contractions, with a brisk walk.  No such luck. After seeing my doctor about 11 it was confirmed that my water has in fact broken.  My doctor and I decided that I would continue to wait out contractions until 6:30.  About four a few irregular contractions appeared, but nothing consistent. Finally 6:00 PM arrived and it was time to go to the hospital.   I knew due to the risk of infection the doctors would not allow me to go more then 24 hours with my water broken,  and chose to take a mild pill designed to induce labor, but not be as sever as Petocin. Honestly  if I had know there were mild forms of induction I might have gone into the hospital earlier. 

An all night labor was not fun, and made for a very sleepy Momma after Zoe was born.  If I had to do it again I might have chosen another route simply so that I could of had more energy for when Zoe arrived. 

The funny part is that I did end up asking for an epidural.  Not because I was in pain, but because I was simply exhausted, and wasn't sure how much more I could endure. However,  after beginning preparations for the epidural they decided to check me and found out that I was fully dilated, and ready to begin pushing.  I was feeling the urge to push but was in denial about being ready.  I was one of the lucky few as my birth instructor said that actually got a break before pushing.  My pain was mild, and seemed to subsided, which made me believe that my contractions were dissipating.  I could only think, "oh no!"  "my contractions are going away,  I'm sure I'll have to have a c-section in the morning".  It was my mother who pointed out to the nurses that she thought I was ready.  I'm glad she was there!    

Labor was a long ordeal, but in the end I was glad I made it through naturally.  I might have been exhausted, but Zoe was spry, rolling back and forth already on the examining table. Many people attribute this to the lack of medication during delivery.

I now have a beautiful baby girl.  Born October 2, 2012.  6 lbs 4 oz 19.5 inches long.