As they say in the song, waiting is the hardest part. I'm once again in the time between when I should have ovulated (more on that later) and when I'll get my period. Each month I try to balance the emotions of hoping that this will be the time I'll finally be pregnant and not getting over excited because if I'm not pregnant I'll feel sad and disappointed again. It's a hard balance since my husband tells me not to be negative, but if I am too positive during this time period, I feel crushed all over again when I get my period.
On top of the balancing act, there's my temperature chart, which is behaving weirdly. I use an app to track my temperatures each day. I find it a lot easier than charting on paper because the app tells me when it thinks I ovulated based on the information I feed it. This month my ovulation date has changed twice and then today when I entered my temperature I got a message telling me that there's not enough data to say I've ovulated at all - ie. my temperatures are too low. This is the problem I was having before I started seeing my doctor (I believe I mentioned in my previous post that I am seeing an actupuncturist for a more eastern approach to resolving my inability to get pregnant). My testosterone level was too high (which apparently means no ovulating), which is related to insulin resistance, so I went on a low carb diet that brought me down an additional 20 pounds, on top of 20 pounds I had already lost last year. This did the trick and when my testosterone level was checked again, it had dropped in half. Over the last few days, however, I've been noticing that my average weight has gone up slightly. Only about 3 pounds or so, hardly anything to be concerned about, but since I'm trying to monitor it very closely I thought it warranted my attention so that it doesn't become a problem. I know that I've become more lax about my eating habits since I am at a lower weight and have gotten my workout schedules screwed up the last few weeks with other things going on in my life. Today, seeing the charting issue after already thinking about my weight this morning has me freaking out that my testosterone has gone up again or something. It probably hasn't and I shouldn't freak out, but that's my initial response. And then feeling upset about it just makes me want to eat poorly and/or eat some meat (my husband and I are trying to do meatless March). Those things kind of go together since any meat I get right now would be fast food, but part of me is saying that the meat would be good because it's low carb (I've been ordering the low carb six dollar burger from Carl's) and the leftovers I brought from home are pasta. Eating meatless seems to lead me to eat more carbs (with some obvious reasons since vegetables, beans, etc. have carbs in them that meat doesn't have), but I also eat more bread and pasta products and the like when trying to eat meatless, which I apparently can't do. It's all kind of a viscious cycle in my head. This is certainly why they say it's easier to get pregnant when you're not trying because the stress contributes to the difficulty.
I guess the ways to end this on a more positive note, because I hate being a downer, are to note that I recognize I need to do something with my weight/ diet to keep from falling into old traps and letting my testosterone rise again, and to share that I will have my first acupuncture session on Friday. I've heard that the needles don't hurt and you feel really great afterwards. Since I have two tattoos, I'm not worried about any potential pain and I'm looking forward to the great feeling. Not totally sure if I'm looking forward to turning 35 the next day, but it happens to all of us.
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